I have always been a grass is greener type of girl. Never able to see clearly all that I had because I was so focused on what everyone else had, and then what I did not. I remember convincing myself again and again, that I was not enough. If only I was taller, thinner, if my hair was longer, if I was smarter, if only I was richer, the list goes on and on. Over time layer after layer of dissatisfaction formed a mound in my belly and swelled like that of a malnourished child.
Why couldn’t I be born someone else?
It was in my late twenties when reality slapped me across my face. Eyes wide, attention undivided I listened as Life said, “This is what you have. Dreams dreamt and not pursued become dreams deferred.” I realized that at some point the hopelessness of my existence is all it would ever be if I did not begin taking steps to change it. Faced with the most annoying and simultaneously the most important question of them all, “What do I want out of my life?” I had to answer it, or my present circumstance would answer it for me, and that would not do.
I’d spent so much time looking in someone else’s yard I barely noticed I was neglecting my own. I hadn’t taken the time to figure out what I wanted out of life. Always so focused on the next season. Hoping that that next week, next month, and next year would be better. As a result, I was missing everything happening now.
Honor the journey my love; green grass is all a matter of perspective. I am wholly unaware of the journey colleagues, neighbors and counterparts are the on. There is no need to compare and contrast. Everything does not need to be defined in terms of better and worse. Some things are just different.
But Why? Why? Why? “Because I said so,” my mother used to say. Which is possibly the Godliest response of them all. Sometimes you’ll understand other times you won’t. The question is, “Do I trust that He knows what He is doing?” Do I believe, “That all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to his purpose?”
I can no longer ignore this stealthy truth: the decisions I have made have lead me to where I am. Wouldn’t it be just great to blame all of my misfortune on the indecency and neglect of others? The point is, I am here. Their grass may or may not be greener but honey, it ain’t my grass.
So, I will go and water my own lawn.