“Did God Really Tell you That?” Desperate and Dysfunctional Christian Dating Stories.

I have had some interesting “meeting” experiences. I say meeting because dating never occurred. Over the last six years, these meeting experiences have ranged from bizarre to enchanting but none have panned out. All of these men professed faith in Christ, and I should have known better.

​The first guy was a coworker. Our job functions rarely met, so I didn’t interact with him frequently. After a few failed attempts to hang out with me, we finally ended up eating and talking. It was a no for me. I have rules about dating where I work, and I wasn’t interested. It was mostly because I wasn’t interested. We all know when you are interested in a guy the rules suddenly become flexible. He continued his pursuit and one day tells me that some time ago he had a vision from God. In that vision, he saw a brown skin woman with a small afro, and he knew that woman was his. I replied, “I do not have a small afro.” At this point, you must be thinking, “seriously?” I can’t make this up. I’d like to tell you that I recognized this tomfoolery for what it was immediately. I’d really like to tell you that, but it isn’t what happened. When he said this to me, it got me thinking. Up to that point, I had never had a man tell me he thought I was his wife by way of vision from God. And, if he had a vision from God, then it must be true. If it is true, then why don’t I feel that way about him? A few weeks later I told him that I would like to remain friends. So ensued months of folly. He started to treat me badly at work. He constantly disrespected my boundaries and was generally impossible. And with all this, I still tried to understand how God had given him this vision because who lies on God? Who I ask you? Who? I was so confused. I prayed and I prayed. “God, is this my husband?” He was a silent as the grave; He said nothing. One day my coworker said to me, “What can God tell you that you cannot see? If I were you, I would run away from that man with my shoes in my hands.” Sometimes you need someone to tell you what you already know. Like Celie, I ran.

The second guy, I met a church. Or rather he met me because I was there first. He stopped me one day and asked me if I wanted to hang out that evening. I said I was busy. He asked me if I was available for lunch the next day. We exchanged information. Later that evening he asks me if I am up for dinner instead of lunch. At first, I wasn’t thinking anything of it. I hadn’t thought much about him. But when he sent me a message asking if I wanted to go to dinner, I understood. So now I‘m trying to remember what he looked like. I couldn’t conjure a clear picture of him. We go to dinner, it was cool, the conversation was flowing. I thought to myself, we can be friends. Then, suddenly, the waitress comes by, drops off a dessert, and says “happy anniversary”. Immediately, I think she has the wrong table. But he is too still. He has actually stopped moving. He looks at me with a desperate hope in his eyes. Like maybe I will find this romantic. He assures me that no mistake was made. That he ordered the dessert because he likes to speak things into existence. All this talk of manifest destiny has driven some to leave their sanity at home. It was then I should have known. But we go to the same church remember? I see him weekly. Here comes the rationalization. I decided to chalk it up as a faux pas. We’ve all said and done things that made us cringe. We hang out a few more times, and he says things like “I’m not trying to waste your time,” and “I can really see a future with you.” These things are fine to say, but it turns out he was also hanging out with another young woman at the same church. Now this church is less than fifty people. We all know, like, and speak to one another. Of course, I find out. I confront him about it and ask him what he is doing, and why do men always have to play where they sleep? I tell him not to disrespect me or her. That she is my friend. That his behavior is both inappropriate and unacceptable. He sits there dumbfounded. “Ugh, ugh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. But I wasn’t telling her anything like what I was telling you.” I tell him that he is not telling me anything. I’m telling him that I’m not stupid and for him not to be stupid. They are always sorry. They are always sorry. He ended up leaving the church. Did I mention all of this occurred in a week and a half?

Now the third guy, it was I who did the most. He messaged me via social media. He wasn’t thirsty, and he had good grammar. It was a quick back and forth. A few months later, I asked him if he wanted to meet; I meant just that meet. He agreed; I was excited. I’m meeting with a guy! I tried. I tried to play it cool, to be pragmatic; but I am not known for my pragmatism. I prayed, and I prayed. I prayed that God’s will be done. We met at a casual spot. When I walked in, he was all teeth. Grinning like a kid in a candy store, and I smiled right back. We chatted and chatted. It was cool, and he was handsome. His good grammar was matched by his fine diction. He sat with a straight back. He spoke clearly, concisely, and intelligently. At one point during the conversation, he watered a seed that had been planted in my mind long ago. It grew and grew. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation, being there with him, and for the first time, I was genuinely interested in knowing more. I felt the beginnings of those feelings besotted women talk about. I left that meeting and spoke to my Lord. I prayed, and I prayed. Nothing. The seed eventually outgrew itself. Bursting forth, it produced disillusionment. I was baptized in a grief of sorts. Why Lord? Why even let me meet a man like that if nothing was going to happen? Before meeting him, I was fine. I had reached a healthy place in my singleness. Had I? If meeting one person for a few moments could catapult me into dissatisfaction, was I really in a good place?

A few things. God is true to His character. He is exactly who He says He is. When God sends something your way its signature will be the truth. There have been all kinds of people since the beginning of time who have used God’s Word to support their folly. People say things like, “God spoke to me,” or “God told me to tell you.” Christians really shouldn’t be saying these things unless they are about to quote a verse from the Bible. Then there are believers who don’t qualify what they say with God, they qualify it with their belief in Him. When you tell someone that you are a believer, you are saying something about yourself. You are saying that you can be trusted to do and say the right thing. That you are a man or woman of integrity. Everything you say and do testifies to your belief in God and your relationship with Him. When men engage women, whether it be casually with the intention for it to blossom romantically or begin with the romance straightaway, control your tongue. Refrain from making statements that have no value. It is like handing a person a check and while he or she is on the way to the bank to cash it, you place a stop payment on it, or, better yet, you never had the balance to cover it in the first place. Women. Relax. Use your brain. Do not allow these men to entrap you with bold statements. Every man you meet cannot be your husband. You don’t want every man you meet to be your husband. Singles. Let your heart be for the Lord. Fix your eyes on Jesus. God is not withholding anything good from you. He knows where you are, what you want, what you need, and He has plans for you. Wait on the Lord. Wait on Him. His timing is impeccable.

Be Well,
Christine