It’s been about two years since I posted Diary Entry of a Chronic Masturbator (DECM), and it was quite the admission-- speaking so openly about female masturbation and my desire to stop doing it. After the post, I received emails and text messages commending my bravery. After every performance, women would walk up to me and say, “Thank you. No one talks about this.” I also received a few notes that said, “And what’s wrong that? There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself.” Either way, I thought it time to revisit and give you all an update.
Lust used to be a huge issue. I would think about sex several times a day, and the night time was the worst time. Right before I would go to sleep, the thoughts would come in full force. Then there was the fact that I didn’t quite want to stop. As I said in DECM, “I wanted to do it. I wanted to feel it.” And, it is very difficult to fight against something you want.
Now, I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with sexual desire, but this wasn’t normal sexual desire. I didn’t feel like I was in control of my thoughts. There weren’t six consecutive minutes where I didn’t think about sex. I felt like a slave. February of this year I said, “Enough”. No more slip ups. No more satisfaction with mediocrity. It was not easy. But nothing worth anything is easy. The Bible says that self-control is a fruit of the spirit, and I was going to figure out how to tap into that if it killed me. The Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and I believe that sexual thoughts and masturbation are included “all things.”
Now, I can say without reservation, that I am free. I am no longer a slave to lustful thoughts. Once upon a time, I thought that was impossible. The enemy would tell me that there was no way I would ever be able to get over this. He would tell me that I had been suffering from this for too long and that there was no redemption for someone like me. And, for a long time, I believed him. But as we all know, the devil is a liar. The trick is catching him in the act. At first I did not know these thoughts were lies from the enemy, I thought they were facts. The Bible is the only source of truth on the planet and there is nothing in the Bible that supported those thoughts, which brings me to step one:
God loves you, and, while it may not always feel like it, He is always with you. Do not become discouraged in your fight. Remember that it is not you who has to be strong, and you do not have to be perfect; for God’s strength that lives in you is fighting for you. Overcoming something takes time. Be vigilant. Be patient. The good news is, the battle is already won you are simply going through the motions.