The first thing I remember wanting to be, was white. Not because I was told my brown sugar wasn’t sweet but because bitterness was implied by subtle undertones and sideways glances-- rooted deep in the human psyche. There was a growing in my mind. That growing was rooted in lack. It chanted and chanted you are not enough, and I believed it.
I have always been a grass is greener type of girl. Never able to see clearly all that I had because I was so focused on what everyone else had, and then what I did not. I remember convincing myself again and again, that I was not enough. If only I was taller, thinner, if my hair was longer, if I was smarter, if only I was richer, the list goes on and on. Over time layer after layer of dissatisfaction formed a mound in my belly and swelled like that of a malnourished child.